A letter I will never write

I wish that you would accept me as I am. I know I’m not what you want. I don’t agree with every little thing you decree I should. I don’t share your opinions. But every time you say that my thoughts and feelings are because of someone else, that someone is turning me against you, it just proves that you don’t respect the person I am. The person I have forged myself through fire to become.

The concept that I could possibly have an original idea is foreign to you. Inconceivable. The idea that I could influence the thoughts or opinions of others at least as much as they influence mine. That I could have friends that respect me, and that have my respect in return. You don’t see me as anything more than a doll, or a pet.

You have only cared about the concept of who you wanted me to be. What I could do for you. How I could support you and help you get ahead. A stepping stone for your achievements.

You use emotional blackmail to try and force me back to your way of thinking. When that doesn’t work you sulk like a child. You apologise all the time, but only when you know you aren’t at fault. All you want is a puppet, to validate your existence.

You are the only promise I have ever willingly broken.

I’m sorry.

I don’t want you anywhere near my little girl. I don’t want her to see you cut me out of your life and think that’s acceptable. To cast someone aside without a word over an imagined slight, a wound to your precious pride. I don’t want her to learn to hurt herself. I don’t want you to control every aspect of her life in the guise of protecting her.

She deserves better.

I deserved better.


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